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The Radio 3 Boards > General Chat > News And Current Affairs > Could YOU pass the new US citizenship test?
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Author Topic: Could YOU pass the new US citizenship test?  (Read 1004 times)
Reiner Torheit
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« Reply #30 on: 00:23:34, 03-07-2008 »
I have passed the test to qualify for Residency in Russia (ie "Green Card") - I got the news today.  I was disappointed to have scored only 89% on the literacy test (pass-mark is 65%) - those bloody verbs-of-motion must've been where I messed-up,  although I sailed through the History and Culture tests (which were far from stretching in nature*).  I also had to send Notary-attested and Apostilled copies of documents proving I am in good standing with the UK Inland Revenue (ie I am not fleeing tax-debts abroad), that I am HIV-negative, and don't have an adverse Criminal Record in the UK.  I should be able to pick-up a visa (I keep my UK nationality - they wouldn't give me Russian citizenship anyhow) with my freshly-revised status in a week's time - and then I can finally go home Smiley

* They're the same ones Russian kids take as school-leaving exams, which reminds me of the old soviet joke...  An elderly professor of Russian Literature is teaching military conscripts for Literature 101.  But at the end of the course there is a surprise test announced, to be conducted by a Regional KGB Officer.  The professor, who usually just assigns pass-marks to everyone, is sweating it, as few of the students have actually attended his classes.  The Officer looks on as the Prof conducts the Viva - "OK, we will make this really easy - WHO WROTE "WAR & PEACE"?  The first student says "Pushkin" - no.  The second student says "Dostoevsky" - another no. So the Prof announces that if the third student gets it right, everyone will pass anyhow.  The third student hesitates, and then says...  "Oh, I dunno!  I didn't write the bloody book, anyhow!".   Three days later the Professor is sitting at home - he's been fired for poor results.  The doorbell rings, and standing at the door is the KGB Officer - at his feet is the third student, who's been badly beaten.  "Well, we had to interrogate him severely, but he finally confessed.... the little bastard DID write "War & Peace"!!
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George Garnett
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« Reply #31 on: 00:44:47, 03-07-2008 »
Hmm. 70% on the US one. That seems to make me a poodle of the US but not a citizen.  Undecided

10/14 on the UK one but a lot of those were lucky guesses.

I don't think I'll risk the 11 plus.
« Last Edit: 00:55:37, 03-07-2008 by George Garnett » Logged
burning dog
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« Reply #32 on: 00:50:53, 03-07-2008 »
Pretty sure  Saint nick and FC have different origins,  I  guess they had merged by the time of the Coke campaign, a bit  of a hard question for anyone let along newcomers. Saint nicks a real saint way back surely??    and FC is English folklore, not Christian?

Edit Give presents on 12th night via the three kings you can buy them in the january sales Wink
« Last Edit: 01:00:52, 03-07-2008 by burning dog » Logged
Kittybriton
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« Reply #33 on: 03:41:43, 03-07-2008 »
Quote from: Morticia on 19:49:24, 02-07-2008
Hmm. I got 9 as well Embarrassed Is there somewhere I can move to that doesn't require that I fill in a Questionnaire? Wink
This is rather dated, having originally been an EEC registration form:

Name (Irish applicants may mark X or leave thumb print)
Address (Please give town, street, house, room, bed and shift numbers)
West Indians may give Minibus or car number
Degree of suntan: light/medium/dark/very dark/ace of spades
Are you visible after sunset? Y/N

Car (West Indians only)
Please give the following details about your car:
What type of Ford Escort is it?
Amount of fur trim (in cwt):
Number of spotlights:
Percentage of rear screen obscured by dangling ornaments and disco stickers:
Percentage of front screen similarly obscured:
Total power of rear light (in megawatts):
When did you last consider insuring the car?
When was it last taxed?
When did it last fail the MOT?
How did you acquire the car? theft/HP/fraud/scrapyard/other

Parents
Name of mother:
Name of father (if known). (West Indians should list all possibilities on a separate sheet):
Father's occupation: peat cutter/bus conductor/lavatory attendant/underground guard
Marital status: married/single/common law/shack-up/informal screwing
Number of children:illegitimate;               legitimate (if any);
Hobbies: mugging/prostitution/pimping

Asians only:
When and where did you illegally enter Britain?
Are you toilet trained? yes/no/what is toilet training?

Income
List your current income from these sources:
Proceeds of theft:
Prostitution:
Social Security fraud:

Diet
Please circle your staple diet: curry/pet food/potatoes

Please state below in not more than fifty words your greatest ambition (other than a white woman).
Applicants who do not know fifty words, or any words in English may leave blank.

N.B. West Indians and Asians may omit photograph as you all look the same.
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thompson1780
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« Reply #34 on: 07:57:18, 03-07-2008 »
IRF,

Ta for the brick explanation.  I haven't a clue what I was imagining, nor why I made it so complicated!

Tommo
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martle
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« Reply #35 on: 08:50:30, 03-07-2008 »
Quote from: Reiner Torheit on 00:23:34, 03-07-2008
I have passed the test to qualify for Residency in Russia (ie "Green Card") - I got the news today. 

Great news, Reiner!  Smiley

Quote
don't have an adverse Criminal Record in the UK. 

You mean there's one that isn't adverse?  Shocked
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Mary Chambers
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« Reply #36 on: 09:18:42, 03-07-2008 »
35% on the American one ("Do I really want to be a citizen?" No)

9/15 on the British one (Seat on the District Council. Don't want that either.)

I'm obviously not fit to live anywhere  Grin
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Ruby2
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« Reply #37 on: 09:39:04, 03-07-2008 »
What about an alternative British one?   http://www.randomhouse.co.uk/minisites/rules/quiz.html  Cheesy
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"Two wrongs don't make a right.  But three rights do make a left." - Rohan Candappa
Ruby2
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« Reply #38 on: 09:57:08, 03-07-2008 »
Well I got 35% in the American one, 8 in the British one (I'm not too hot on dogs, pub fights, police interviews or divorce - I think thta's a good thing) and 8/8 in the 11 plus, which was a relief...  Grin
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"Two wrongs don't make a right.  But three rights do make a left." - Rohan Candappa
Ted Ryder
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« Reply #39 on: 10:10:48, 03-07-2008 »
55% US   13 UK  I shall just peep at the 11+ ( with one eye shut)
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Don Basilio
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« Reply #40 on: 10:47:07, 03-07-2008 »
10 on the British test, and a lot of guesses.

I didn't know they had abolished dog licences in 1987.

Silly of me to think you had to check first whether a solicitor was qualified.  The correct answer is to check their fees.  Silly question - surely you ought to check both?

(Kitty - I take it your questions were satirising the inherent racism of the British - they could be taken as racist humour.  I'm sure you never intended that.)

Many years ago I heard a courtly Roman Catholic gentleman describe the application form for marriage within the Vatican City State.  It had a whole blank page for "Names of Children to be Legitimized by the Union."  (Unmarried Italian couples being embarrassed to let it be known that they are not married by a ceremony in the Republic of Italy, would apply for a marriage in the Vatican.)
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Ian Pace
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« Reply #41 on: 10:53:21, 03-07-2008 »
Also 10 on the British test, and 40 on the US one. Does help for the former if you've actually read Life in the UK, I would think. Didn't know about dog licenses, the origins of Father Christmas, thought the ratio of Scots/Welsh to English was slightly lower, and hadn't the faintest idea of the order of the Saints' Days. US one - need to bod up on things like the numbers of people in Congress, the various categorisations of the amendments to the Constitution, how many years a Senator sits for, and so on.
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oliver sudden
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« Reply #42 on: 10:54:24, 03-07-2008 »
Quote from: ahh on 23:28:15, 02-07-2008
Coke just put him in red.

I am in no way whatsoever a fan of that noxious beverage and its associated trading practices but let's be fair here.
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Don Basilio
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« Reply #43 on: 11:04:52, 03-07-2008 »
The order of saints' days was the one I didn't guess.

I still am very uncertain how people are meant to behave in pubs.  I never knew my father go to a pub without my mother or in the evening.
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To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh: a time to mourn, and a time to dance
Kittybriton
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« Reply #44 on: 17:11:27, 03-07-2008 »
Quote from: Don Basilio on 10:47:07, 03-07-2008
(Kitty - I take it your questions were satirising the inherent racism of the British - they could be taken as racist humour.  I'm sure you never intended that.)
Thank you DB. You are right, the questionnaire wasn't reposted by me as racist humour (there are plenty of people like the KKK who would miss the humour entirely). I had some doubts about posting it at all, considering the number of metaphorical pointed sticks I've been on the end of.
« Last Edit: 17:18:29, 03-07-2008 by Kittybriton » Logged
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