Nice people here, tonyb. Good luck!

And there's a belated support missive from Castle Dough, too. Perhaps some music (and I think you know what) would help. Just send me a pm with where it's to go and don't worry about the other thing... It's rather a frantic week, but I'll see what I can do before Saturday.

Ron
p.s. Thanks very much for that link, most enlightening...

Hi Kitty,
Thanks for being brave and sharing. What are the prospects for your getting away somewhere safe for a few days and taking your thinking for a long walk or something? Small spas (kind of offbeat for a heterosexual male  so I'm told but they do it for me) can do alchemy with chakras-the fundamental 'recharge' I find keeps rippling benignly every now and then (specifically Ayervedic or 'hot stones'). The therapist will understand your'e there for your mental health and the ritual and relaxation subsumes the need to talk. I go to these places as a practicioner, but the first law (easy for active people to neglect) has always been 'look after yourself'. Also, I'm wondering if you've written any poetry or anything
about the world around you maybe as well as how you feel. I'm sure we'd all encourage you to share it, but whatever you feel, producing even a draft means you have fluid, active evidence that you are more than a shadow (an honourable Jungian thing to address-Robert Bly, A Little Book on The Human Shadow et al). And if you can bear to think
of it, you've said some wise, witty and beautiful things here, and its clear we are all here for you. I hope your day brings you some thoughts on how to deal with this, and I hope you don't mind my chipping in, I know you've been round the block with your feelings many a time. As Spike used to say, Love,Light and Peace...

Hi Kitty,

I`m sorry to hear that you are in such a dark space at the moment, but having the courage to admit to it is a big first step. Mf had some good suggestions, Of course when you`re way down in the depths it can seem impossible to motivate yourself to walk across the room, never mind do something when you`ve reached the other side. You have a great talent with images - what about trying to give your feelings shape and colour? Even if the colour turns out to be black/grey?  The suggestion of writing it `out` was a good one. A spa or healing centre could work wonders if you have the $$, I certainly endorse that idea.

Whatever you decide to do, you can see that you have supporters here Kitty. And we`re open 24/7!

Cyber-hug to you.
xx

Open 24/7 - yes indeed and never, ever feel bad for posting such a message, Kitty. I had one of my worst times a couple of years ago and since then I've always carried a piece of paper in my jacket pocket which lists all the positive things and reminds me of how worse things could be and have been. That helps me cope with the trials of everyday life and a bit more besides but if you feel that change is the only solution then perhaps it doesn't help much. Know that I'm thinking of you, though.

Tone

Hi Kitty,

I would like to add my support to that which has already been offered.

With depression it always seems to me that the brain locks into a way of thinking, whatever you're thinking about.
Sometimes I find if you can quite consciously turn away from this elephant in the room for a bit, and deliberately focus on pretending (to yourself) that you're okay, i.e. mimic the condition of not being depressed, it can have the effect of seeming to re-jig the brain chemistry a bit, changing the way of thinking and the elephant gets smaller.

I'm sure that you just want to feel well again and I hope you will soon.

If a change is really needed, then perhaps, imho, it is best for all in the long run that you seek a way of bringing it about when you feel up to it.

Best wishes and good luck,

Daniel

Daniel, You give a good advice. For some reason when we are down we tend to think about the topic that is unpsetting too much. I find it in myself. I thought that it is only me with absessive thinking, but many it is characteristic of human thinking.
Dwelling on anything is not good for us. At the same time we want to learn thinks in depth.
How to combine thoses things?

I noticed that I can make my dark mood reappear if I start to think and remember about situations and people that started the condition. 
I find that human brains are very tricky. Vindictiveness is bad for us, but at the same time we need to remember in order not to repeat our mistake.
I find the whole thing called me very difficult to understand.

Daniel's message reminds me of something I learned while working in the medical field; electrical circuits in general (and this includes the brain, in the broadest sense) are more likely to be selected given a choice, if they have been active previously. It seems the reason why ECT is sometimes effective in patients suffering with acute chronic depression is that the disruption forces the brain to use different circuits, but I'm sure, in less acute cases, a "change of scene" and routine, can be equally effective.

(My apologies to those of us who know what we're talking about for my hopelessly simplistic explanation.)

N.B. (or Nigel Bailey for fans of "The Good Life")