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tonybob
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« Reply #180 on: 14:47:43, 26-07-2007 » |
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mort = *hug*
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sososo s & i.
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A
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« Reply #181 on: 14:53:29, 26-07-2007 » |
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Dear Mort, I am so sorry about all your troubles. I think men feel things differently and seem unable to speak about how they feel. It seems that we have to understand the signs and behave accordingly. It is hard but that is how it is. I think he is confused about how he feels and how to go onwards. I do hope it sorts itself out, with your female concern it should do. I agree with Tommo and George... we are here for you Mort whenever you need us. We are your friends and we care for you. Take care , and tell us as much about all this as helps you.. A  |
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Well, there you are.
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Morticia
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« Reply #182 on: 14:54:09, 26-07-2007 » |
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What does he do, work-wise?
Ollie, Gawd Bless yer guv, you just made me laugh  No, he isn`t a musician. Martle, ta for the other hug. Not the best time for me to give up smoking, eh? Increp, he replied `I know. I don`t know what`s going on`. Couldn`t/wouldn`t say any more. Ron, Bless you for your thoughts and vibes. Tommo, yup I reckon there is fear there. Hell of a lot and, yes, digging for it would probably be destructive. Plus plus  to you all!  |
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Baziron
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« Reply #183 on: 14:56:28, 26-07-2007 » |
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So sorry about all this Mort.  Baz xxxxxxxxxxx |
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Kittybriton
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« Reply #184 on: 15:07:03, 26-07-2007 » |
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I'd only say that we men can sometimes be incredibly emotionally dense and, unbelievable as it may seem, perhaps not even realise we are doing something hurtful, particularly when it is by omission. We sometimes need giving a severe jolt before it even occurs to us that keeping out of the way during periods of emotional difficulty isn't what is needed.
Insight like that is something that most men never achieve in time to do much good (IMO), the fact that there are men like you, George, is reason to hope. Morticiaa, I am truly sorry that someone so close to you has wounded you like this. I can't help thinking that even knowing most of us as well as you (presumably) do, it must have taken some courage to express your feelings as you have. I wish I could offer you some real comfort but short of mailing you a pack of smokes there isn't really much I can do in practical terms. |
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Click me -> About meor me -> my handmade storeNo, I'm not a complete idiot. I'm only a halfwit. In fact I'm actually a catfish. |
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increpatio
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« Reply #185 on: 15:15:25, 26-07-2007 » |
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Increp, he replied `I know. I don`t know what`s going on`. Couldn`t/wouldn`t say any more.
hmm. yep. Tommo, yup I reckon there is fear there. Hell of a lot and, yes, digging for it would probably be destructive.
:/ Yep, I certainly have no advice to offer. But yes, you do have my thoughts. |
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Milly Jones
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« Reply #186 on: 15:33:09, 26-07-2007 » |
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Much love and commiserations Mort. No useful advice really except that I know what I'd do but this may possibly not be what you'd want. Suffice to say, that you find out who your true friends are in times of adversity. Anyone can be fine when things are going well, but it's when things go wrong that you see the true colour of a man. (Or woman). I'd sack him off if I were you....but then that's just me I'm afraid. No second chances with me because people don't change - they usually can't. Please don't be miserable on his account, you're worth far better and there are plenty more fish in the sea. Trust me. xxx |
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We pass this way but once. This is not a rehearsal!
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Mary Chambers
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« Reply #187 on: 15:39:48, 26-07-2007 » |
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I'd like to say something helpful, but it always comes out banal. I'm truly sorry you are suffering, Mort.
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perfect wagnerite
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« Reply #188 on: 15:48:43, 26-07-2007 » |
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My gut tells me he's absent because he's running scared of something - not necessarily facing grief, but could be a whole load of things. But the major point is that he's scared of something - which means he is being weak.
I think Tommo has hit on a vital truth here - all that nonsense that gets dinned into us men from an early age about what it is to be male, always showing how strong we are and never owning up to being weak or afraid. What damage all this Alpha-male nonsense has done, to us and the women around us who have to live with it all ... None of which is any comfort to you, Mort, except to say that you deserve better. Bws. |
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At every one of these [classical] concerts in England you will find rows of weary people who are there, not because they really like classical music, but because they think they ought to like it. (Shaw, Don Juan in Hell)
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time_is_now
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« Reply #189 on: 15:56:49, 26-07-2007 » |
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Mort - a big hug from me too.
It's hard for other people to give advice without knowing both people concerned, I suppose, but I'm wondering if you can step back and think about the times that he's expected support from you. How does/would he react if he felt he wasn't getting that support? By thinking about that might help you to put you in his shoes now (to see whether he knows he's being unreasonable), and might also give you some insights into what you both need and get (or have done in the past) from the relationship that could be a basis for a discussion about where it's going in the future, since it sounds like that's going to have to happen at some point.
Relationships which don't involve spending all your time together can be great, because they give you space to be yourself as well. But they don't work at all if you've lost the unspoken understanding of other that allowed you to spend time apart and still have a sense of what you were giving each other.
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« Last Edit: 18:09:59, 26-07-2007 by time_is_now »
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The city is a process which always veers away from the form envisaged and desired, ... whose revenge upon its architects and planners undoes every dream of mastery. It is [also] one of the sites where Dasein is assigned the impossible task of putting right what can never be put right. - Rob Lapsley
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trained-pianist
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« Reply #190 on: 19:03:41, 26-07-2007 » |
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I have been trying to type something smart for you, Morticia, but I am not capable of saying anything useful at the moment.
At the end I am writing a message of support and understanding for you.
You had a difficult year and need kindness and understanding.
It is important to feel good inside and is possible. If things can not be changed at the moment still we can make ourselves as happy as possible with interesting music and books to read.
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Soundwave
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« Reply #191 on: 19:20:50, 26-07-2007 » |
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Ho dear Mort. George wrote "I'd only say that we men can sometimes be incredibly emotionally dense and, unbelievable as it may seem, perhaps not even realise we are doing something hurtful, particularly when it is by omission. We sometimes need giving a severe jolt before it even occurs to us that keeping out of the way during periods of emotional difficulty isn't what is needed."
I agree with this but would add that, perhaps, for no accountable reason, a man feels that a situation is starting to threaten what he feels is his survival and the comfort of the world that he has known for a long time. I went, at one period, through this particular situation and it was a long time before I realised that what really underlay it all was my own selfishness. Arriving at that conclusion hit me hard but, thankfully, it was not too late.
You know you have the support and good wishes of all your cyber friends here. Let's hope that the passing of a little time will relieve the situation.
Hugs from
S'wave
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Ho! I may be old yet I am still lusty
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Morticia
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« Reply #192 on: 12:38:06, 27-07-2007 » |
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Jonathan
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« Reply #193 on: 13:19:28, 27-07-2007 » |
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Sorry this is somewhat belated (I missed your initial post Mort as I was out last night with friends) but I sincerely hope it all works out in the end.
I cannot think of anything deep and meaningful to say that may help but remember, you have friends here if you need them.
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Best regards,
Jonathan
*********************************************
"as the housefly of destiny collides with the windscreen of fate..."
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Daniel
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« Reply #194 on: 18:10:31, 27-07-2007 » |
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Late arrival, not quite sure what to say and maybe things have clarified a bit by now, but I think anything to do with your welfare would be important to this board Mort.
Just a thought in that you say that this behaviour dates from when your mother died - could he have panicked that he would suddenly be expected to provide what your mother was previously providing? Changes in circs do sometimes expose fears about level of commitment etc.
All my best wishes and I hope this resolves soon.
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