Thank you from me too. I tried to write something meaningfu several timesl, but I could not.
For the first time in my life I feel connected to people, understand that I am not the only one who went through hell in life.

It is still difficult for me to write (although I am getting better). I was so upset and sad that I stopped going  to concerts in order not to see certain people amd was losing interest in music and in life. Academic world and Art world is such pressure cookers (I don't know if it is good English) It is not easy to feel inadequate, not important (and therefor pushed aside by people who are making careers). 
With your help I will gradually return to life, try to feel better about myself, try to still learn, improve and go to concerts no matter what other people think or do.

I just want to add my good wishes for Tommo and Jonathan and to everybody who wrote.
Thank you all.

Thank you martle. 
By the way I only noticed that Schubert ensemble is coming here 22 April (violin, viola, cello and piano).
They have an interesting program. Martin Butler Sequenza Notturna, Brahms piano quartet no. 3 and Faure piano Quartet.
I really want to go to this one.

Martin Butler's Sequenza Notturna is a lovely piece, t-p! I think you'd like it.

I'm gonna get you, MJ. I am.

 

I am glad you are better, Tommo. Remember us if you will still feel bad, come and tell us so we can all make it better.
May be I can hear you play one day. I really want to.
I also feel better. I have to forget and forgive and understand that we all are learning in this life.

Thank you martle, t-i-n, MJ. I will not miss this concert. I really liked them on the radio.

Kitty, that`s just reminded me of this. I think I`ve posted it before somewhere but I think it bears posting again.

"Autobiography in Five Chapters"

1)  I walk down the street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidwalk
    I fall in.
    I am lost ... I am hopeless.
    It isn`t my fault.
    It takes forever to find a way out.

2)  I walk down the same street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I pretend I don`t see it.
    I fall in again.
    I can`t believe I`m in the same place.
    But it isn`t my fault.
    It still takes a long time to get out.
 
3)  I walk down the same street.
    There is a deep hole in the sidwalk
    I see it is there
    I still fall in  ...  it`s a habit
   My eyes are open
   I know where I am
   It is my fault.
   I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
   There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
   I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street

From The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Author Sogyal Rinpoche

Ho!  I have just read the last few pages here - from Tommo's message 610 onwards - and find myself strongly moved by the deeply felt and supportive words of fellow contributors.  The "conscience" awareness is, I believe, common to very nearly everybody.  In my case it arises around 4a.m. when, it seems, the mind is receptive to memories and shapeless ideas floating around in a jumble.  Quite suddenly, without any warning, thoughts of past hurtful actions and words appear with amazing vividness and grow rapidly in intensity.   Is it possible that this "conscience" attack is built into us or, perhaps, is it a result of thousands of years religion and the belief that to exist together, matters will always need mutual adjustment.  May I just say that I would like to be associated with all the support Tommo has received and I do hope that what has been said will be of help to those of us having difficulties of a similar nature.
Cheers
S'wave

I've been following this thread but have been unable to find anything meaningful to say that someone hasn't already put more eloquently than I could. 

We are all in the same boat I believe with these feelings. The only people that aren't would be psychopaths who I've read are born without the wiring that gives us a conscience.  Hardly their fault then it would seem....but that's another argument.

Anyway, only to add my sympathies and to say I go through it all too, in fact my conscience is so deeply entrenched I should have been a Catholic.  I have a first class honours degree in guilt and also have an overwhelming urge to confess. 

The nicest people are the ones who are plagued by their consciences.  If they weren't nice, they wouldn't care.