As President of the First National Bank of Dalston I am sorry to announce that the Bank has today filed for bankruptcy. This follows our over-exposure to derivatives through bulk-buying of tickets for Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals.
Then I find it hard, if not impossible, to offer any sympathy to FNB since it ought to have known better than to place such inappropriate investments with its clients' funds.
We intend to file under Chapter 11
What? In UK?...
the ambient gloom in Wall Street, a well-known Haggerston night club where the Bank is currently assessing its liquidity options. (We are assured that this is a safe place to conduct our remaining business as the bouncer, Mr Adès, tells us that the premises are alarmed.)
Not as much so as some of the bank's client, I venture to suggest - and in any case, are you confident that the said bouncer has sufficient understanding of ambient gloom even to recognise it?
Suggestions welcome.
Lee Mann
President & CEO
Here's mine. Don't ask your brothers.
Actually, I have no idea of a viable solution either to the problems currently being experienced by your bank or indeed by any other financial institution over which a whole clutch of Damoclean swords seem to hang; AIG does not stand for Alistair Is God...
