We've shortened the role to reduce the amount of dull learning involved for you

= we've cut your aria.

It's the central role of the opera

= you appear in Act Two

she represents the wisdom of the eternal peasantry of the land

= lots of stage rehearsals required - not so much a character as a piece of human scenery

she's a contemporary character

= we'd like you to bring your own costume

he is the pivotal character of the story

= you have to hang around the whole evening for 14 bars on the penultimate page

we wouldn't normally offer such a small role to someone of your status and experience

= but none of the younger singers will agree to do it for the money

it requires your special ability with languages

= there are 160 pages in Norwegian to learn

there are no other mezzo roles in the opera we could cast you in

= because you are too fat

it's the title role of the opera

= but there's not a fee, as such...

the entire production concept is shaped around you in this role

= no-one else fits the costume

you are our first choice for the part

= no other twit would do it for this money