One of my pet hates is when I'm standing in a shop waiting to be served and some halfwit will stare at me for a while, then come over and say "Are you alright?"   What's that all about?  Do I look ill or something?  Whatever happened to "May I help you?" or if that's too posh."Do you want to pay for that?"

Then, when they hand you your change or the card back they say "There you go!" (rising at the end like a question of course).

Actually shops drive me up the wall.   I used to love shopping but the people that are employed in them now appear to either be brain-dead or "not bovvered".

For example, my daughter-in-law and I were in Debenhams last week.  They're very short-staffed.  Downstairs there were just 3 girls covering 8 counters.  We were standing at a costume jewellery counter clutching the earrings that she wanted - an assistant stood about 3 counters away watching us very seriously.  Eventually she said...."Would you like me to come over?"  Fortunately my daughter-in-law (who knows me very well) kicked me and so I didn't make the remark that immediately came to mind...I just said "Yes please!"

We went then into the men's dept and it really turned into a farce because she wanted a t-shirt for her nephew that was on a dummy standing quite high up on a shelf.  There was nobody at all on that side of the store, so I went on a recce and found someone.

She said "Are you alright?"  I said "No actually, we'd like someone to help us round the other side there".  She said "What sort of help?"  I said "We like that t-shirt on the dummy there and there isn't another on the rack so it will have to be that one."  She said "I'm not allowed to reach up that high - Health and Safety you understand....I'll go and find someone".  

A stocky young lad appeared and we pointed to the prized article.  He, with much puffing and heaving, got it down, put it on the floor and stared at it.  It was just an upper torso.  I said "Is there a problem?"  He said "I don't know how to take it off".  I said "You have to just unscrew the arms, pull them out and then lift it off."  He said "Oh I can't do that - that is only for "Visuals" to do".  I said "Visuals?"  He said "Yes, they put it on and they won't let me take it off.  I'll go and get someone."  He sauntered off.  I did contemplate removing it myself but by then I was just ready for leaving the place.  I'd had enough but my daughter-in-law talked me into staying.  We waited 10 minutes!  He then sauntered back and told us someone would be coming.

That did it and I told him that I was going to the counter to pay for my other things and if it wasn't at the till by the time I was doing that, he'd lost a sale.  I said I appreciated that the store was short-staffed but we couldn't wait any longer.

Mr. Charisma 2007 looked at us both in turn vacantly and then said "I'm not going to get stressed about it."  I politely said goodbye and we went over to the till.  There was then a bit of a commotion and the sound of running feet and by the time we were ready to pay, it had appeared.

I don't know whether it is poor training, or just poor recruitment, but I'm sure things are getting much worse.  

Thanks for the lesson on "upspeaking". I didn't know there was a special word for it, but - I feel your pain.

And another thing. I was on the phone to my bank the other day, or rather to a call centre on one of the moons of Saturn, and was asked the following question: "Is there anything else I can do for yourself today?"

I hadn't heard the word "upspeaking" before but it has been called "Australian question intonation" or "AQI" before. I think it originated on Australian soaps.

And, Milly, I can well understand your annoyance. I was in Shrewsbury earlier today and I had to join long queues every time just for the privilege of handing over my money. And this in shops that aren't supposed to be doing well, such as WHSmith. But please don't be too hard on the shop staff. They're low paid and they are only doing what they've been told to do. Trying to be more helpful could land them in trouble. But the root cause is harder to define. It's part of the blame culture and paranoia in this litigious society.

YOURSELF! YOURSELF! YOURSELF! YOURSELF!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH






feel better now

I was in Waterstones waiting obediently by the till... for ages....nobody there.....waited even more obediently....for ages, nobody came. The till is right by the door, I could have disobediently walked out with the birthday card.

I went upstairs to another till. I told the girl there about my difficulty.

She said "Tell me about it".

I said " I just have".



AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH  !!

"Myself" instead of "I" is just as bad, as is "me" instead of "I".

And I personally do not arrive "into" anywhere, no matter what train drivers think!

Tommo

Shopkeepers who call me "mate".

'The next station stop will be ... "