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The Radio 3 Boards > General Chat > The Coffee Bar > Meeting Life's Challenges & Upsets
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Author Topic: Meeting Life's Challenges & Upsets  (Read 26265 times)
Morticia
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« Reply #1155 on: 15:35:11, 25-10-2008 »
Well, this is probably a final line of sorts. I was told earlier that Stuart died at lunchtime today. He got his wish and lasted long enough to see his son's first  birthday. Think the man done good. I'm sending him a round of applause.
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Milly Jones
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« Reply #1156 on: 15:48:47, 25-10-2008 »
 Cry Cry Cry
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We pass this way but once.  This is not a rehearsal!
Mary Chambers
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« Reply #1157 on: 16:07:36, 25-10-2008 »
My eyes have filled with tears. How on earth do you explain death to a one-year-old?

RIP.
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martle
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« Reply #1158 on: 16:08:35, 25-10-2008 »
Mort,

 Kiss
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Ron Dough
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« Reply #1159 on: 16:26:43, 25-10-2008 »
Mort, X x X

Stuart, RIP.
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Ruby2
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« Reply #1160 on: 16:42:36, 25-10-2008 »
Hugs Mort.  Sad xx
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Antheil
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« Reply #1161 on: 16:55:39, 25-10-2008 »
Quote from: Ruby2 on 16:42:36, 25-10-2008
Hugs Mort.  Sad xx

Let's treble that Hugs and a donation to your local Hospice, evidently 2 out of 3 of us will contract cancer.
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Kittybriton
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« Reply #1162 on: 17:56:00, 25-10-2008 »
Mort! I am so sorry, for his family, for you who clearly empathise with them. Perhaps someday you will have opportunity to tell the young'un what a hero his dad was.

Big H U G
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Lord Byron
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« Reply #1163 on: 18:54:33, 25-10-2008 »
Mort,

Sorry to hear about this, I have no idea how you deal with this kind of emotional strain on a day to day basis, it must be very emotional to become attached to people and watch them die, on a regular basis.

I salute you and your colleagues in dealing with something that the rest of us,in society, would find so hard and rarely see.
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Turfan Fragment
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« Reply #1164 on: 19:01:05, 25-10-2008 »
Quote from: Mary Chambers on 16:07:36, 25-10-2008
My eyes have filled with tears. How on earth do you explain death to a one-year-old?
You don't. It's not yet possible.

The stories of love and the pictures will have to be brought out on a regular basis so the child can feel a connection long before it understands what death is. Then the death is almost secondary and the child will have mostly happy thoughts; manufactured memories are no less powerful and meaningful than 'real' ones. I know that sounds very glib. I don't know how else to put it. This is a very sad thing, but it's important to fill the gap, gently, to minimize future negative experience. All this happens to help the adults involved in the matter as well. (I'm no expert, I should add)

I remember many beautiful things from my childhood, but I realize that I only know them thanks to the videocamera or camera or tape recorder or adult human noggin that recorded them to remind me that they took place. I was, after all, 2 years old or so for them, but they do genuinely feel as if I remember them, and they are good for me.
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Morticia
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« Reply #1165 on: 19:15:18, 25-10-2008 »
I think you're probably right there, Turfers.  The wee one's mum and dad have shot so many videos and photographs plus made a talking book from Dad, so there'll be plenty there for him in the future to remember his dad by and know that he was a part of things.

Thanks to all of you. You really are one amazing bunch of people Kiss
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Mary Chambers
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« Reply #1166 on: 20:33:32, 25-10-2008 »
Quote from: Turfan Fragment on 19:01:05, 25-10-2008
Quote from: Mary Chambers on 16:07:36, 25-10-2008
My eyes have filled with tears. How on earth do you explain death to a one-year-old?
You don't. It's not yet possible.


It was a rhetorical question, TF.
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Mary Chambers
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« Reply #1167 on: 20:51:38, 25-10-2008 »
My six-year-old didn't really understand about death. My nine-year-old understood all too well, and has been more badly affected by his father's death, I think, but I truly think it is possible to over-dramatise. Both have grown up to have successful and so far happy lives. I think a one-year-old will probably be hardly affected at all in the long run, if not too much fuss is made.
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Turfan Fragment
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« Reply #1168 on: 21:22:12, 25-10-2008 »
I knew it was rhetorical, apologies if I seemed to misinterpret.
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Milly Jones
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« Reply #1169 on: 21:23:44, 25-10-2008 »
Quote
I think a one-year-old will probably be hardly affected at all in the long run, if not too much fuss is made.

I think children who don't remember their parent/s are affected in the long run.  I know of many instances whereby in later years people are suddenly struck with the feeling of loss.  However, the fact is that this particular baby will grow up without his father for reasons beyond anyone's control. Whilst I'm sure that every effort will be made to give the child a happy life in spite of this loss, it was a cruel and unnecessary bereavement for a family to have to withstand.  

Our children were 20 and 21 when they lost their father and although it was hell -  still is - at least they had the privilege of knowing and loving him and being loved in return.
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We pass this way but once.  This is not a rehearsal!
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