I see in myself that I don't like to see power play, agenda manipulation etc. I can see it here. It is so appauling to me that I got sick.
I have to say that this is something I'll never quite be able to manage properly myself; I've come to be ery uncomfortable with competitiveness (insofar as I find myself drawn into competitive systems), though I understand its importance and seeming necessity. As much as I hate the term, I'd much rather cooperate with people.
Your post was very sagely Ron
I think there's a false expectation (created by the media, no doubt) that everybody will get on easily with everybody else, and it's just not true
Alas indeed. But there's something to be said about being able to get along with difficult people; that can often involve a much more intimate understanding of them than say one gets when dealing with a casual acquaintance. At least that's the experience I've had with one fellow who was for many years my greatest torment; what made it possible in the end was that we both actually didn't actually want to be at each other's throats and, in some way, that we were on the same side.
: yes, some people find it easier to pass the time of day with others, but that's a purely superficial social skill, which is fine for lubricating the cogs and wheels of society, but isn't the stuff of making for a rounded personal life: for that you need closer relationships; the two are quite different, and although the superficial social skills may help in achieving these relationships, they're not a sine qua non. It's a case of finding the right kind of people. You've already managed that here in a virtual sense, so you don't lack the skills to engage and interact with folk per se.
When one gets started into life properly, one will have much more opportunity to find or make a comfortable place for one's self. You're more tightly caught up in a system at the moment.
In any event, I have a feeling that you're confusing others' ability to get on easily on a purely superficial level with your present lack of close personal relationships, which, if they're to be worthwhile, don't come ten-a-penny, especially for the more sensitive among us.
This is an important distinction, I think, indeed! Of course, what one person counts as a "superficial" type of relationship can be highly meaningful for (and valued to) others, though.
You are very single minded in your approach: music for you seems to be almost everything, and because you can't find many others who see the same way, that seems to be the hurdle: you're not interested in the football, the fashion or whatever other trivia those around you are involved in.
For me, one of the best decisions I made in recent years was to move into a house with no students or people working in mathematical professions
(other than our occasional tussles; the guy who pissed me off a while back moved out two weeks ago(to Australia), and I was genuinely sad to see him leave. But, other people have to do the same when they're dealing with someone on this level; and this it seems might be one of the problems that you're encountering.
Have you tried out going to various clubs/societies in your college? You might be able to find the one or two good ones, but it might take several aborted attempts to find them.
Nor need you be; for what it's worth, Ron's tip is to be interested in the people themselves, rather than their interests
I think this is a really important tip indeed! Of course, when one is involved in a very solitary world it can be difficult, but it's not *that* difficult, and it is worthwhile; people can be understanding. I occasionally have to remind myself of the sense in this; it wasn't always obvious to me that this was a reasonable thing to do.
Helping them may help you help yourself.
That does sound horribly cliched(not that I can think of a better way of phrasing it!), but there's a lot of sense to it. Of course, nobody is expecting you to become an agony aunt or anything
