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Bryn
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« Reply #315 on: 22:35:19, 04-10-2008 » |
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Well thank you for clearing that up.  I do try to spread a little enlightenment wherever I go. (Since I tend to fail dismally I thought it worth pointing out...)  |
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thompson1780
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« Reply #316 on: 12:29:26, 09-10-2008 » |
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OUT OF OFFICE E-MAIL REPLIES
1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged £3.50 for the first 10 words and 35p for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as Pauline instead of Peter.
Tommo
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Made by Thompson & son, at the Violin & c. the West end of St. Paul's Churchyard, LONDON
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IgnorantRockFan
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« Reply #317 on: 12:39:49, 09-10-2008 » |
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An old, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring.
The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000' the jeweller said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man. 'There is no money in that account.'
'I know,' said the old man. 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'
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Allegro, ma non tanto
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Reiner Torheit
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« Reply #318 on: 21:55:28, 09-10-2008 » |
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LATEST NEWS FROM THE FINANCIAL WORLD
Following the problems in the financial sector in the UK and US, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and the Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
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"I was, for several months, mutely in love with a coloratura soprano, who seemed to me to have wafted straight from Paradise to the stage of the Odessa Opera-House"
- Leon Trotsky, "My Life"
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thompson1780
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« Reply #319 on: 22:44:24, 09-10-2008 » |
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Rei, You genius!  :D:D Tommo |
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Made by Thompson & son, at the Violin & c. the West end of St. Paul's Churchyard, LONDON
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Reiner Torheit
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« Reply #320 on: 22:48:50, 09-10-2008 » |
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If only it were my own work, Tommo  Sent to me by some Russian banking pals |
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"I was, for several months, mutely in love with a coloratura soprano, who seemed to me to have wafted straight from Paradise to the stage of the Odessa Opera-House"
- Leon Trotsky, "My Life"
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harmonyharmony
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« Reply #321 on: 22:51:53, 09-10-2008 » |
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'is this all we can do?' anonymous student of the University of Berkeley, California quoted in H. Draper, 'The new student revolt' (New York: Grove Press, 1965) http://www.myspace.com/itensemble |
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Milly Jones
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« Reply #322 on: 11:39:14, 10-10-2008 » |
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Sorry - removed because posted twice in error.
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« Last Edit: 14:35:37, 10-10-2008 by Milly Jones »
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We pass this way but once. This is not a rehearsal!
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thompson1780
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« Reply #323 on: 11:44:18, 10-10-2008 » |
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Milly :D:D Tommo |
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Made by Thompson & son, at the Violin & c. the West end of St. Paul's Churchyard, LONDON
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MabelJane
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« Reply #324 on: 22:45:48, 10-10-2008 » |
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If only it were my own work, Tommo Sent to me by some Russian banking pals I had it sent to me last week too. Amazing how quickly a new joke can be shared world-wide these days isn't it. Not an actual joke but this made us chuckle in the staffroom today. Our Y2 teacher: Can you make up a sentence using the word "come"? 6 year old Josh: I ate a slice of cucumber. |
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Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.
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harmonyharmony
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« Reply #325 on: 22:47:06, 10-10-2008 » |
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Not an actual joke but this made us chuckle in the staffroom today.
Our Y2 teacher: Can you make up a sentence using the word "come"?
Now if you were in my staffroom, you could have stopped there. |
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'is this all we can do?' anonymous student of the University of Berkeley, California quoted in H. Draper, 'The new student revolt' (New York: Grove Press, 1965) http://www.myspace.com/itensemble |
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Milly Jones
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« Reply #326 on: 22:50:09, 10-10-2008 » |
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The Italian Tomato Garden
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual
tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a
garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know
you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love,
Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local p olic e arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the
old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
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We pass this way but once. This is not a rehearsal!
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Turfan Fragment
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« Reply #327 on: 23:58:34, 11-10-2008 » |
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Nice work, Mills!
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Milly Jones
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« Reply #328 on: 10:01:39, 12-10-2008 » |
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Don't you just love technological breakthroughs ?
The iTit
ANNOUNCEMENT
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from €499 to €699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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We pass this way but once. This is not a rehearsal!
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perfect wagnerite
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« Reply #329 on: 12:17:34, 12-10-2008 » |
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Not an actual joke but this made us chuckle in the staffroom today.
Our Y2 teacher: Can you make up a sentence using the word "come"?
Now if you were in my staffroom, you could have stopped there. I work in an office full of engineers. Believe me, you wouldn't even have started ... |
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At every one of these [classical] concerts in England you will find rows of weary people who are there, not because they really like classical music, but because they think they ought to like it. (Shaw, Don Juan in Hell)
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