I thought it hilarious and now I see why I didn't get any responses at first! Whew!

(I'm a native German speaker, so for me it wasn't a stretch when I had heard it.)

Thank you for that Ollie, very amusing! 

The umlaut would have been less funny, as 'fear' and 'sex' were Anglicized pronunciations so the solution would have to be as well.

Anyway, discursing a joke is a good way to kill it for everyone.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

The old ones are the best.

Doctors' Stories

1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.


 I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.


 Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow

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 2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. I instructed.


 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.



 Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath

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 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'



 Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.


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 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

 'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.


 'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'


 I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.



 Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk General

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 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'

 After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'



 Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

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 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how was your breakfast this  morning?'


 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied.



 I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'



 Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.

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 7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an  immediate operation... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'



 Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn

 Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London

Er... flattended, probably...

except when HH tells it, when it's a Harold 

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...Any part under a car's hood.
Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...Playing football with only three defenders.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...Leaving a note before going up the pub with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.   
Female...A desire to get married and raise a family.   
Male...Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female...An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male....A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.