Curry
Type of food eaten after the pubs shut. Curry comes in many forms, such as Korma, Dupiaza, Bhuna, Madras, etc., etc., but they all taste much the same after seven pints of lager. The thing to do when you go for a curry is always order far too many poppadoms. You order these because you are very hungry when you arrive, but after you've eaten ten of these bastards (deep-fried greasy discs that look like huge crisps), you won't have room left for the main course, which is what you've paid the money for. What's more, the waiter knows full well that you're going to fall for this old one. Which is quite fair, as it gives him some recompense for the amount of times drunken wankers have clicked their fingers at him and said 'Oi, Gandhi.'
The other thing to do when you go for a curry is to delegate one person at your table to be the one who says 'Actually, of course, in India they never eat anything like this.' Which is quite true, as Indians never make the mistake of ordering far too many poppadoms. Another person at your table should be the One Who Orders Egg and Chips Because They Don't Like Foreign Food (See WAYS YOU CAN TELL OTHER BRITISH TOURISTS WHEN ABROAD). Best of all, however, someone should make a point of ordering the hottest curry on the menu to show what a Lad they are. They will, of course, spend the rest of the meal hyperventilating, choking and burning their throat, but it is imperative that if you want to be Hard, then you don't Eat Foreign unless you can burn your mouth off. Remember - the Hard person does not leave any curry on his plate, not for no one.

And the one who, on principle, never orders a Sobji Bhaji is you, right?

Best,

Alistair

You know, I've had it, but really had it with Crazy Frog.