Two points here Baz,

First of all.. when the situation is there as it has been several times before , and the only method of solving the problem is to say that you are wrong.. when you are absolutely certain you are not - is that an answer?

Second of all.. when you feel so isolated and lonely that no-one seems to see anything from your point of view, see how it feels to be hated for example, it is not only hard but probably impossible to bow to the others involved and doff your cap to them.

A

I would say A that there are few forums around that can deal with the kind of complex emotions you hint at -yours is not an off-the-peg fix kind of situation clearly. if you don't want to talk here, then may I urge you to seek out a psychotherapist you like.The cost can be daunting, but there are places that can offer a sliding scale according to what you feel you can afford-let me know by pm if you'd like some suggestions? Good Luck on your noble quest for resolution and peace of mind.

If I might step in here with my Mod bonnet on to confirm that, as Ron posted, A has not been modded or told not to post on the concerns she has raised here. A is clearly experiencing a painful situation at the moment and, given the usually very supportive response of Members here to another Members distress, people here will offer a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. How much information any one of us wishes to divulge on a public forum is down to the individual.

I'll tell you one thing.. going to have dinner in London with my younger daughter last night was better than a long course of psychotherapy . I was able to realise I am not absolutely crackers , nor a witch 

A

Same here, t-p.

I read that rather more as being blamed by others, inko.

Life is unpredictable and difficult to cope with sometimes.  I feel like I'm dwelling permanently in a sort of grey area between contradictory ideas and opportunities.  And there are so many confusing things that turn everything I ever thought or felt completely upside down.

Reading what people have written here encourages me and makes me realise I'm not quite as alone as I might sometimes feel.

I'm having a hard time at the moment.  Forgive me if I sometimes go a bit quiet.

(For example, Ron, I'm sorry I didn't respond to your speculation about coming to Inverness.  What an exhausting day that turned out to be.)

Strina, having spent a sizeable portion of my life on the road, I know exactly how much extra stress that can add on top of everything else. The tiredness becomes cumulative, and your ability to maintain your composure when beset by things that might normally seem trifling just drains away. Inverness really isn't the easiest of places to get to, either, hardly any less so for me than you, for all that I'm not that far away as the crow flies (80 miles, maybe, but considerably further by road or rail due to the mountains in between - not that I'd want rid of them). Just getting there from your previous gig must have a major slog.

I suspect that many more folk have problems and worries to cope with than are willing to publicise or even accept them. I certainly know people like that, who keep things festering inside in some kind of denial that they could ever be so 'weak' as to be subject to them. In fact, I'd say it was the opposite, that refusing to accept that there are worries one can't cope with is actually more cowardly as well as being more dangerous in the long run. No matter what the problem, the moment you realise that there are other people who understand because they're willing to tell you that they've been (or are going) through the same sort of nasties, you'll start to feel that things are maybe not so bad, and that you're nothing like as isolated as you thought you were. Nobody on this board is ever going to force you to say more than you want: but when you do need a sympathetic ear or help to move you towards a decision, there will always be people here to help you. It's certainly not what this board was established for, but it seems to have become one of our specialities.

As a Mod., it's incumbent upon me to be fairly omnipresent, but there have certainly been times when I've watched rather than participated, and again, I'll wager that that is true of most of our members. Just as in a fun-run or a party, take things at your own pace: nobody has to be any more involved than they wish, and no one is going to think any the less of anyone else if they're not here regularly: come and go as you please, and as loudly or as quietly as suits you.

Just take care of yourself,

Ron