t-p,

That photo makes me grumpy now, those Mace people have no historical awareness or respect 

Ok, this is in response to Milly’s great frog gag earlier today (cracked me up, but then I always like multiple pun jokes.  (You may have to be over a certain age to get it, though.)

The scene: a high class French restaurant specialising in seafood. On this particular evening the chef, Gervais, has managed to procure a batch of very rare and utterly delicious wild, green, hairy-lipped squid, at great expense, shipped all the way from the waters of the Solomon Islands. They have to be cooked utterly fresh, so, like lobsters, you have to keep them alive until the last possible moment before cooking them.
An order comes in. Gervais approaches the tank containing the wild, green, hairy-lipped squid, and… he just can’t do it! They are peaceful, shy little critters, with big eyes and those little blubbery hairy lips seem to mouth the words, ‘Please don’t kill me, please!’. Not a softie by nature, Gervais nonetheless simply can’t summon the will to kill.
So he asks Hans, the dishwasher, to do it for him. Hans is a strapping German fellow, tattooed and muscular, and you wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark street at night. BUT… Hans too looks into those limpid eyes, sees the blubbery lips, and cannot, just cannot bring himself to do the deed.

Which goes to show, Hans that do dishes can be soft as Gervais with Wild, Green Hairy-Lipped Squid.

Be-Dum-bum.

Another joke for you....

HAPPY EASTER Widdle Wabbit

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shop keeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like
that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit.

Dear t-p,
I'm so sorry you've had a rotten day. I'm very good at getting lost too - even on easy routes I've done dozens of times. It can be the last straw when you're tired and frustrated. It's sad that your job brings you such unhappiness when music-teaching/music-making should bring joy to you and to others. I do hope you have some better, happier days ahead and that you soon have a chance to play with your little ensemble of fellow musicians.

Nothing to do with anything else but one of my 7 year olds made us laugh the other day: When asked if she knew which were her left and right she replied "Not both - but I know which my left is!" And she's one of my bright ones...(I don't think she was joking.)

Hope you soon feel as relaxed and contented as these two:

Love
MJ
xxx

Martle,

 

You win a free plastic

How about this one?

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."


The old ones are the best!       

MabelJane, I love your cats. I think I will get over my dissappointment with todays day. I am still tired. The day was warm and I am very tired. And I have to arrange the Valse now for four instruments (horn, bassoon, flute and piano). We have a horn player who wants to play.
I could of been arranging the Valse and also Scarlatti that I wanted to do. I spend the whole day waiting for examiner to come instead of doing something interesting.
The other fellow was so smart to get away from this engagement. It always sounds that I am their last home.
And my poor student did not get her lesson.

The student needed her lesson very badly. She is taking greade 7 exam and she has Repeatative Injury (not from playing piano but from writing because she squeezes her pens and pencils too much. Everything she does is very over done. She was badly taught and is not anywhere near grade 7 that she is taking. This belongs to piano thread.

I am so greatful to your all for listening and helping me with my pitty little things. I find it is difficult to know what to do.