the difference is the absence of hope. Not for life generally, just the dead weight of knowing that situation won`t get any better now.
I have to say that I felt a bit of absence of hope for life generally for a while.
That, and the feeling of finality that you're talking about faded over a couple of weeks. I still work myself up into impotent tizzies where I feel like there was something I could have done / could still do but they pass.
Sadness, is probably the word.
Oh yes.
How is today any different from the last two weeks where you didn't have him either?
That's something that will become more and more relevant in my experience. Lack of hope can be a positive thing. When you're not waiting for the phone, a text message, some kind of indication that the other person is alive or gives a damn about whether you are or not, you can focus on what you want for a change.
A cup of tea sounds like a good idea. The builders have just arrived. I might just slouch downstairs, make some tea, toast (homemade marmalade and the last of my homemade bread) and chomp a banana watching last night's Rick Stein.
