Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
- in case it's just the button that's stuck

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
- they'll get it later

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- stars don't do damage. Wet paint does.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
- sterilised needles are mass-produced therefore cheaper, also they protect the technician before he inserts the dose

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- he's not real, just an actor

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
- his Clarke Kent instincts sometimes kick in, also the bouncing reveolver could go off an injure a passer-by

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- they contain the radio communication devises and oxygen mask required to get him to his target

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
- it's onomatopeaic

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
- the film thickness of a bubble is less than 1 micron and the human eye can't detect such small film colour. The bubbles reflect the white light from a bulb or the sun

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
- they may have missed something during their last visit

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
- to determine if there is some adhesive properties with the carpet which can be removed by picking up the string

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
- they were there before as tiny eggs and then hatched and grew till they ran out of food, then died

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
- much of the heat escapes so keep on  top of the losses by maintaining the temperature slightly higher than actually required

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
- they are men who normally don't interfere with children's partnerships

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
- not necessarily. Three friends plus yourself is not a large enough statistical sample

Richard, didn't you know that the Americans who compile these silly lists are not very clever?

ah, here we go:

If there are images in this attachment, they will not be displayed.  Download the original attachment
 
1  Paradox of Our Times

2  Today we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;

3  we have more degrees, but less common sense; more knowledge, but less judgment;

4  We have more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

5  We spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get to angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too often, and pray too seldom.

6  We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too little and lie too often.     

7  We‘ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.
 
8  We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

9  We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.       
 
10  We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.         

11  We've conquered outer space, but not inner space. We've split the atom, but not our prejudice;

12  we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less.
 
13  We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals.     

14  We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies, but have less communication. We are long on quantity, but short on quality.
 
15  These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men and short character; steep profits and shallow relationships.                           

16  More leisure and less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition; two incomes, but more divorce; fancier houses, but broken homes.
 
17  That’s why I propose, that as of today, you do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a special occasion.         

18  Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to your needs. 

19  Spend more time with your family and friends, eat your favorite foods, and visit the places you love.                     

20  Life is a chain of moment of enjoyment, not only about survival.                                   

21  Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume, and use it every time you feel you want it.                                   

22  Remove from your vocabulary phrases like “one of these days” and “someday”. Let’s write that letter we thought of writing “one of these days”. 
 
23  Let’s tell our families and friends how much we love them. Do not delay anything that adds laughter and joy to your life. 
 
24  Every day, every hour, and every minute is special. And you don’t know if it will be your last.                                         

25  If you’re too busy to take the time to send this message to someone you love, and you tell yourself you will send it “one of these days “. Just think…”One of these days “, you may not be here to send it!

Some kind of bypass going on here I see. 

Never mind, Richard. I laughed.

Bypass?

martle,

They are made by the same PROCESS but shoelaces will never be identical because the threads from which they are made are made up of spun and twisted fibres of different length. The process, fibre length distribution and fibre brittleness will never be uniform even along one shoelace. Every shoelace will have a weakest spot where the fibres may be shorter or more brittle. The weakest spot may be in the middle where it will be protected from regular abrasion and stretching but if it is near the end then that weak point will be weakened every time human hands stretch it and tie knots and hence will eventually break.

John W

Oops, sorry. Walked into the Pedantry Thread by mistake. Must be my shoelaces leading me astray ....

But why can one never find shoelaces the same length or thickness as the ones which broke?  I'm already walking around for the second week in the ice and snow in my Doc Martens,  because the laces have broken in my boots and I can't find any replacements long enough