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Soundwave
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« Reply #1200 on: 00:20:45, 02-03-2007 » |
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Ho! Read and learn.
Cheers
English made easy
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of
changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course,
be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using
's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities
would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be
replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only
would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but
typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was
anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in
print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag
is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and
writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four
years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps
sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould
be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after
zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'.
Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze
drems of the uvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
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Ho! I may be old yet I am still lusty
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Kittybriton
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« Reply #1201 on: 00:49:52, 02-03-2007 » |
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p.s. to Soundwave's memorandum
because this initiative was originally proposed during the European Economic Community summit, the new spelling will be known as SpEEC.
We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese,
You may find a lone mouse, or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house, is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give you a boot - would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this, and the plural is these,
Should the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese?
Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose!
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine - she, shis, and shim,
So our English, I think you will all agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see!
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« Last Edit: 01:02:49, 02-03-2007 by Kittybriton »
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Click me -> About meor me -> my handmade storeNo, I'm not a complete idiot. I'm only a halfwit. In fact I'm actually a catfish. |
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Kittybriton
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« Reply #1202 on: 01:08:26, 02-03-2007 » |
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I meant 'plib' in the Terry Pratchett sense. (I think that it's one of the noises that Hex makes in his first appearance... or does it come from the beginning of Douglas Adam's Mostly Harmless?) Oh! It was merely a plib! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PLIBMy admiration for Terry Pratchett has just nudged up another notch. How different life might have been if I had never left The Shades. |
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Click me -> About meor me -> my handmade storeNo, I'm not a complete idiot. I'm only a halfwit. In fact I'm actually a catfish. |
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Jonathan
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« Reply #1203 on: 09:36:14, 02-03-2007 » |
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Wasn't "plib" the noise that the machine made in "Reaper Man" when the fabric of reality was disturbed and the ot of town shopping centres began to develop? I think it corresponded to the sound of the little ball bearing being fired in the direction of the disturbance. I think it was called a thingyness detector but that may be wrong. I'll have to check! UPDATE: I did just check and it was actually in "Moving Pictures" with the machine that went "plib" Day off today (my birthday is on Monday) and I can't lunchtme post any more due to a computer usage crackdown at work...  |
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« Last Edit: 09:51:43, 02-03-2007 by Jonathan »
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Best regards,
Jonathan
*********************************************
"as the housefly of destiny collides with the windscreen of fate..."
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Janthefan
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« Reply #1204 on: 09:59:33, 02-03-2007 » |
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Hey ! That's great !
I forgot to thankyou, by the way for the help in getting Proserpine up & running xxxx
Have a good day x Jan
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Live simply that all may simply live
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Ian Pace
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« Reply #1205 on: 10:07:31, 02-03-2007 » |
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You mean 'Repo Man' (the cult film by Alex Cox, he who used to present Moving Pictures), Jonathan?
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'These acts of keeping politics out of music, however, do not prevent musicology from being a political act . . .they assure that every apolitical act assumes a greater political immediacy' - Philip Bohlman, 'Musicology as a Political Act'
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Jonathan
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« Reply #1206 on: 10:38:29, 02-03-2007 » |
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H Ian, No I don't - Reaper Man is the 10th of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. It's really very clever as well as funny. It's well worth a read for the jokes alone (like all of his discworld books). As for Repo Man, I remember watching it with my housemates at university and thinking what a stange film! We thought it was really funny the way they censored the language as well, we weren't sure if it was edited by the BBC or whether the director was being ironic or something!  |
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Best regards,
Jonathan
*********************************************
"as the housefly of destiny collides with the windscreen of fate..."
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harmonyharmony
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« Reply #1207 on: 10:51:43, 02-03-2007 » |
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Thanks Jonathan. Sometimes I feel a bit like Brutha ( http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/Brutha ) with books leaking out of my mouth or into my mind but with only a vague idea of whence they have come. I didn't realise that there was an Lspace wiki... |
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'is this all we can do?' anonymous student of the University of Berkeley, California quoted in H. Draper, 'The new student revolt' (New York: Grove Press, 1965) http://www.myspace.com/itensemble |
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Soundwave
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« Reply #1208 on: 11:53:36, 02-03-2007 » |
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Ho! I may be old yet I am still lusty
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Janthefan
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« Reply #1209 on: 14:41:06, 02-03-2007 » |
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It has taken me 2 days to recover from the techno-exertions of adding Proserpine to my name thingy....
But now, today, I am ready to thrill and amaze you by adding in a picture of my Jack Russell....she is called "China" and is 15 yrs old (this pic is about 6yrs ago)
Wait for it...
nearly here...
hang in there....
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Live simply that all may simply live
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Janthefan
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« Reply #1210 on: 14:43:32, 02-03-2007 » |
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AND !!! as if that wasn't enough for one day, here is "Tessera" my dear rescue German Shorthaired Pointer
aged nearly 6....
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Live simply that all may simply live
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trained-pianist
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« Reply #1211 on: 14:44:58, 02-03-2007 » |
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Janthefan. They don' t want you to use attachements. There is an icon when you reply to a post (second in the lower line. Somebody will teach you thins I am sure. I am myself techno-imbecile.
I love your dog, wish I could see a bigger picture.
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Janthefan
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« Reply #1212 on: 14:46:26, 02-03-2007 » |
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If you click on it it comes up bigger.... sorry if I boobed with the attatchment - its a miracle I dunnit at all !!
Phew ! I'll have to take to the chaise longue x
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Live simply that all may simply live
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oliver sudden
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« Reply #1213 on: 16:10:05, 02-03-2007 » |
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In a café in Basel, Oliver took a deep breath. He had somehow managed to survive the surreal exertions of the past few days. The streets had been filled with literally thousands of musicians of all skill levels inflicting on passers-by all the racket that piccolos, Basler Trommels and brass instruments of all sizes could muster. Which, his still-ringing ears reminded him, had been rather a lot.
And those masks were a clear opportunity for agents from The Other Side to silence him permanently. He had heard rumours of midget agents dressed as innocent Swiss children offering poisoned sweets or flinging handfuls of their newly-developed razor confetti. But none of that seemed to have reached him. Not even such obvious ploys as poisoned Bratwurst or raclette. Not that those would have had much effect, he mused, fingers toying absent-mindedly with the vials of his antidote set.
But where was Veronika? She was supposed to be here by now...
He glanced nervously around, mused briefly on the pointlessness of undue paranoia and ordered another coffee. He could get used to this place. As long as the money held out.
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John W
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« Reply #1214 on: 16:12:23, 02-03-2007 » |
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Nice photos Janthefan,
but can you check out the advice in the announcement section about linking to images rather than uploading to the site. With a free messageboard we need to conserve space which is getting gobbled up by pasted or uploaded photos.
Although linking to photos looks the same, those images (which are really somewhere else) do not add to the size of this site.
Some folks use our own R3 Photobucket storage site but you can put your images anywhere on the net and link to them.
Post on the announcement thread if you have problems.
John W
Admin
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