What is with microwaves spuds and curries Juanita? I like only bananas. You and me not competible.

Also I'm in Linton Zoo in Cambridge not Birmingham, are they far together, no google maps on my laptop.

They trying to find me ladyfriend but I'd rather field the play. But not given up Mort, she very nice lady, I have her picture in my nest


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The question of starling sexing was left rather dangling in the air so I asked someone who would know.

The way you tell apparently is to look at the base (i.e. the head end) of their otherwise yellow bills. That bit is a different colour depending on the sex. Very conveniently, to make it one of those things you never forget once told, in male starlings it is blue and in female starlings it is pink.

I notice he's on top then 

We've had a heron or two in the garden, didn't see the bleeders but they've 'ad all me goldfish and rudd, every one, some were as fat as, well they were fat, eight years old some o' em 

Damn, that's it! I have a birdie thing whose wings spin in the wind, my missus got it and it's been sat at the pond for years - it's currently protecting fresh grass seed at the top of the lawn 

Both of my parents are twitchers (I think that they used to go out and bird-watch together while courting (when they weren't collecting grasses for my dad's collection - don't ask)) and go out of their way to attract different birds to the garden (except for pigeons, but they don't seem to be able to stop them...) and to go to nature reserves and suchlike when on holiday, binoculars at the ready.

Right now the birds I see the most are seagulls and pigeons, but we have an awful lot of magpies up at our campus. Now I love magpies. And I hate them. They're so selfish and beautiful.

In Durham, the sparrow population used to be enormous, but in the last couple of years they seem to have either gone elsewhere or died off.

The bird I absolutely adore is the red kite. You get huge flocks (collective noun?) of them in Henley especially when someone's put a chicken carcass out (but my great aunt took me to task for that - not putting out the carcass, but taking pleasure in watching the swarming (?) kites divebombing the garden - because the kites pick them up, pick them clean and then discard the bones and someone's small dog will swallow the bone and choke to death.

We used to get a lot of jays when we lived in Surrey but almost never see them in Henley. Pheasants don't often come into the garden, but they are all over the road (some more than others). I love it when we get nuthatches (or is it treecreepers? I think we've had both) and green woodpeckers, but also the occasional high-flying buzzard and visits from herons are also great.

Grey squirrels are Satan's little vanguard. I've never eaten one but I think I could make a substantial dent in the local population if I got started.

From personal experience, robins absolutely adore grated cheese if you really want to give them a treat

For several years now we have had a robin family in the hospice garden. Smart birds. They regularly hop into the staff dining room to snaffle up whatever us klutz buckets have managed to drop on the floor. They are not in the least fazed by all the people and noise. Needless to say, some of us give them 'extras'

Little tinkers!