computers are such FUN! 

What ho! Soundwave. Long ago, in a galaxy temporary work assignment far away the marching ducks first made their appearance around the margins of my worksheets, although at that time they were more likely to be pushing wheelbarrows, or parachuting.

Now, at long last, I have animated them!

Long Live the Duck!

'Psst' hissed Pietro the Pimp

'We done that joke before' remarked a passing Llama, 'On the Fortieth repetition it is not funny'

'It could be funny to someone who has never heard it' replied a passing Stoat, with a toothy grin.

'Got any duckweed?' enquired  Pietro?

'No way Jose, don't you know there is a No Smoking Ban coming in on July 1st?'

'You mean ......'

'Yes, Esmeralda and the Lesbian Raspberry Canes will land up in Chokey'

'Blimey' said several small rodents, and about time too!

'I'm not p*****' said Pietro the Pimp ,'it's just the way I walk'

'No duckweed? .......cripes what can we chew behind the sofa now?'

.... those aforsaid rodents scuttled away to the safety of the raspberry canes as fast as they could............

"Gordon Duck it's dead quiet around here" remarked Stoat with a sniff looking up from her copy of Under Milk Wood.

"Ere you know that bit in Francesca da Rimini where it sounds like rodents dancing then the harp and the swirly bits come in?"

"Is that the Rach or the Tchaik you are talking about" murmured Badger.

"Rach of course!" came the reply "Well, thinking about it I thought I might do a mouse casserole tomorrow, heavily spiked with rosemary, because, let's face it, mice do taste a bit musty no matter how you cook them.  So, rosemary and garlic, and some herb dumplings to soak up the werry rich juices, accompanied by brocolli and carrot batons, and a pudding of forest fruits lightly folded into natural yoghurt, whaddya you think?"

"It sounds perfect my love" murmured Badger.

Stoat blushed and turned up her toes in anticpation.

Go on Anna, I am sitting here in eager anticipation ..............( well that's as may be !)


A

`We`ve been poached!` squawked Henrietta indignantly.

`Language!` said Millicent sternly.

`What a diabolical liberty! I turns my back for two minutes to have a peck on them nutritious organic, whole grain grains and they`ve gorn`

`What? The grains?` said Millicent, who was a few feathers short of a chicken.

`No! The flippin` eggs. They`ve gorn and gorn. It`s that flippin` floozy Stoat tryin` to worm `er way into that Badger`s affections`.

`Well why didn`t she take the garlic and chilli marinated earthworms then?` said Millicent as she applied the second coat of Raspberry Ripple Kiss to her beak.

There was a brief but meaningful silence. In a flurry of feathers Henrietta flew to the pantry,  flung open the doors and shrieked in dismay.

`Them worms `ave gorn as well! Vintage they were, I bottled `em in `97.`

At that moment there was a despairing shriek from Millicent who came running from her boudoir.

`My feathers, my feathers! They`ve gone!`

`Don`t be daft. You`re wearing them` snapped Henrietta.

`Not these ones! My party ones. The silver sprayed ones. And the can of silver spray paint has gone as well!`. She sobbed uncontrollably.

Henrietta stared grimly ahead. `We`re gonna `ave to do sumfing about this. You don`t nick a birds feathers and get away with it`

Some hours later Stoat was sitting disconsolately on the riverbank, wiping away her tears with her tail.  Badger had severely chastised her for her thieving ways and had ordered her out of his sight.  Badger, when vexed, was awesome.  And he had bared his teeth at her!   “Snot my fault” she sniffed “I only did it for him and those chickens didn’t object, they said it would be two less mouths to feed”  And with that she broke into a paroxysm of sobs.

“What ails you?” enquired Kevin the Weasel parking up his battered Asda trolley (aka the local taxi)

“I robbed some chickens” wailed Stoat “And now Badge is dead mad at me and now I won’t get the lead in Francesca and my lovely costume wot I have slaved over wiv me old  treadle sewing machine won’t never be worn”  And with that she started to wail loudly.

“Robbed some chickens?” said Kevin perplexedly “I do it all the time, it’s natural innit, we is of the Mustelidae family, runs in the blood, thieving, it’s genetic like.  Old Badger thinks he is so superior, being a Meles Meles but he is also a Mustela”

“Blimey” expostulated Stoat “I never knew that!”

“Don’t expostulate Stoat, it makes me teeth go all squeaky”