From the edge of the forest there came the sound of something crashing through the undergrowth. “I’ll go and check that”, said Onesimus, a small wild boar, and he trotted off in the direction of the disturbance. In no time at all he was back shaking with fear. “My G-g-g-g - od!” he stuttered “it’s Greenstreet’s Elk with a sinister human creature on its back. I asked who he was and he snarled – ‘Vadontya Bukeroff’. I squeaked "Vadontya Bukeroff yourself", and as he bared his teeth and the Elk charged me, I ran with the human’s vile threats urging me on. Are there any spare knickers about - boar size, not stoat?"
`Psst` came a voice from the undergrowth.
`WE`VE DONE THAT JOKE BEFORE!` shouted everyone in irritation.
`Oh sorry I`m sure. I`m only triyg to help` said an indignant looking hedgehog, magnificently attired in a black bombazine gown and starched white cuffs. `I just happen to stock the finest selection of boar size undergarments on the face of the earth. Desired by Kings and Emporers, even the odd Dowager Duchess. And she was very odd indeed. However, if you`re not interested ...`. She sniffed in a superior manner and turned to retreat back into the undergrowth.
`No wait!` pleaded the Small Boar. `I`m a bit new to this kind of thing and what with the Elk and that Bukeroff stuff, well, I`m not quite myself`.
`Well, who would you like to be?` said the hedgehog gruffly.
`Ohh, well maybe Humphrey Bogart `cos he gets to wear great hats and look moody. Or maybe Peter Lorre, because he does that menacing thing with his eyes. Or George Clooney, oh or even Robbie Williams or ....`
`That`s enough of that talk! Robbie Williams indeed! Tcha! You`ll be wanting to be like Aled Jones next`.
`Well actually ....` said Small Boar, blushing slightly.
`Enough! Now look at these. These are absolutely top of the range boar undergarments and an
exact replica of those as first worn by John Wayne. Complete with the original diamante studding`.
Small boar shook with excitement and awe as he gazed reverently at them ......
