Martin, both involve exposing yourself to the 'dangerous' situation, so in that sense both are 'confrontational'; the difference is that, rather than telling yourself not to be daft (it's all in your mind, you can do this, stay calm, stay calm!), you allow the bad reactions to run their course unimpeded (i.e. you accept that it's a part of you, for now). It's a very curious thing, but this process, although not pleasant, has the very real effect of diminishing the symptoms: as you get acclimatised to them, they no longer seem to have a reason to kick in. Hard to explain.

This little gem from my CBT guy seems odd to people who haven't suffered, but absolutely recognisable to those that have:

You are a fridge. Your job? To keep stuff cold. So someone puts a pint of milk in you. What do you do? Keep it cold. A pound of butter? Keep it cold. A smelly pair of trainers? You don't like them, they shouldn't be there, but you keep them cold too, day after day.

Congratulations, martle.

I've never crossed the Severn Bridge, as it so happens, and I avoid high places (ie cathedral towers when on guides training courses - managed to spread my panic attack in Canterbury Cathedral tower to half a dozen other guides so we all had to go down.  I didn't shout or scream, I just turned to the inner wall and inched along.  I felt a bit of an hysterical prima donna, but I had said I didn't want to go up, and was assured it would be OK.)

I'll try to remember the bit about accepting.  It makes sense to me, at least in relation to mourning.  To put on a brave face when bereaved may be the "sensible" thing to do, but I found I could get through the misery by admitting it.  It wasn't so nice for those with me, though.

I think that's the interesting bit. Allowing oneself to weather the bad stuff, to see it through, and to survive it, so that afterwards you have the experience of having survived the difficulty relatively unscathed, and can contemplate going through it again.

It takes some strength to do that though - to 'allow the bad reactions to run their course unimpeded'. Maybe it's a question of acquiring a technique or facility to do that. 

I think that's very well put.

You are doing something that feels completely anti-intuitive, your brain seems to be yelling you at  'Stop, now! This is terribly dangerous!', but in the case of OCD and phobia sufferers this information is wildly exaggerated to the point where it is faulty and no longer truly related to the action that is causing it.

But terror is an effective way of subduing resistance and so one often gives into it, but the more you accede to the fear the more authority and power it acquires. By going against what your brain is telling you to do you are in effect re-educating it, telling it such instructions have no relevance to you, and by not responding to it, you not only acquire a confidence that you can face down a fear and come out the other side still standing, you also can begin to really see that the information you have been receiving is faulty and not the frightening thing you have always believed it to be.

And I'd very much like to give an encore to this brilliantly put sentiment:


Congratulations, Martybabes! 

I missed all this last week due to being away in meetings and such, but excellent news Martle, well done - a massive step forwards.   

I've had a bit of a setback recently with my own anxiety/ panic issues.  I thought I'd got them knocked on the head (as far as that's possible) back in January but various personal circumstances are conspiring against me and it's all creeping back up again. 

I've been able to manage it a lot better than I did before, in that even though I'm getting the physical symptoms (tight chest, shallow breathing, slight dizziness) I'm able to talk myself down again.  The annoying thing is that the whole nasty business is planted back in my head again, so rather than sitting at traffic lights thinking about what I need to do at work or whether I need to go to the supermarket, I'm thinking

"Hey I'm sat at traffic lights, good thing I'm not panicking... I mean if I was panicking then I'd be focussed on my heart wouldn't I, and thinking about my heart might set me off.  Hang on a minute, that feels a bit weird.  No don't go there.  Take your mind off it, don't think about your heart... don't think about your heart... OHMYGODMYCHESTISGOINGTOEXPLODE!   Right, come on stupid, you don't have to be this person, you can just be sat normally in a car, ride it out.  Relax...  shoulders drop.  That's better, not panicking now."

Repeat until exhausted.

 

I'm not in as bad a position as I was this time last year, but it always seems to come around just before Christmas when planning becomes a nightmare and I start stressing about which family members are going to be most offended if we don't see them at whichever point and how much I'm imposing on my cat sitter if we have to travel the country for a fortnight. 

Most panic-prone people are people-pleasers.  Damned if we do and damned if we don't.

Just been wasting time catching up on unread threads and found the good news about our green friend crossing the Severn Bridge - well done martle, that's a really significant achievement, I'm very pleased for you. It would have been so much easier to say "Oh well, I'll just go the long way round every time."
Ruby - so sorry you're having a difficult time. Have a hug:

And one for you too, martle:

Well done to both of you.  It must be truly awful to experience these terrors and I think it is so courageous of you to deal with it so well.  That is what true courage is all about, making yourself do things that you're afraid of.  Heroism doesn't merit the word otherwise.