You seem to quite good at being a sorter outerer of things Milly. What's the word i want for that?

I suppose if you want to dig further, would'nt you be able to look her name in some roll call on the internet?

Post Script.

In the middle of playing Bridge tonight, the phone rang and a very upset mother told me she was very embarrassed but she had found the other 5 games.  She said the boy denied taking them to the very last and when she did find them, he would say nothing about it at all.  He just clammed up.  She knew they were ours because he didn't own that particular set.  She said she would bring them back tomorrow.  She said that he'd been "dealt with" and had been sent to bed early.  We will have all 6 back.

I didn't know what to say to her, so I said that she musn't be upset and that if the boy has issues in this regard she must seek help.  I also said if I could help in any way, I would.  They're both coming round tomorrow to return the games.  However, my child is still very upset and says he doesn't want to play with him any more.  I think the best thing will be for me to ring her in the morning and say I'll collect the games, but perhaps we should give my child time to calm down before they meet up again.  She did keep repeating that it was "out of character" for him, but from her initial reaction when I first called, I doubt that.

Anyway, regarding the Royal Academy, she did say that she had failed the finals.  I asked if she could retake the bits she'd failed but she said no, she would have had to do the whole three years again.  Apparently her sister is a professional musician and plays for a professional orchestra.  I'd better not say who and what she plays because that will identify them.  She said she'd failed because she was in her sister's shadow and that she'd only wanted to play as a hobby, not as a career.

I think my duet idea has gone out of the window. 

I don't know if anyone remembers the Harold Winston programme which showed how early children learn how to lie.
I remember my nephew telling me 'I did not touch any buttons on your computer. I did not touch that one [pointing].'
Amateurs at deception.
I wrote my own name on the garage wall because I knew (as a middle child) that was the sure-fire way of ensuring that no-one would ever suspect me.

Sorry. I realise this isn't really helping.
But I think that all children lie to a greater or lesser extent. They learn to trust enough not to lie as they get older, and then learn to lie again when they discover how much the truth hurts.

In a few days/weeks time, I imagine your grandson will want to be friends again and things can pick up. Things may pick up on the duet front as well, but while this nasty cloud is hanging over you all it sounds like it's possibly best to let things lie for a little while.

I have known several children who stole. With possibly one exception they came from good, morally upright families and grew up absolutely fine. I would agree with hh that most children lie to some extent (after all, so do most adults) and I wouldn't regard one episode of dishonesty as a reason for not seeing a child again. If he did it twice, I would be worried, I think. Is there any real reason not to believe what his mother says?

My children had a friend who hid small things down his socks - nothing valuable, but then unless they have been brought up very mercenary the value isn't what they think of - it's the desirability. Oddly enough, I can't remember what this child took, but it was something like Playmobil people or Lego. The fact that they hide the objects means that they know they are doing something wrong, but they can't resist at the time. Moral sense, even in a ten-year-old, isn't always fully developed. (I've always thought that ten is too young to be the age of full criminal responsibility, as it is in this country.)

During the time of sweet rationing - so I am going back a long way here! - my brother stole sweet coupons from my mother, though never anything else. He couldn't be a more honest or moral adult. The worst liar I ever knew was a cathedral chorister, and came from an exceptionally strict - far too strict - family. I don't think he stole things, though, but I wouldn't have been in the least surprised if he had done. He also grew up very responsible.

So I think I am saying I wouldn't take it too seriously this time. It sounds as if your grandson doesn't want to see him again, though, so in that case there is no point in going against his wishes. I believe in second chances myself.

Interesting that my post and BBM's almost overlap, since I am saying that children from perfectly good families can be temporarily dishonest, as well as those who are badly brought up. I know this to be true, though obviously some children are brought up without moral standards, and no doubt they are more of a problem, and for longer.

I would agree wholeheartedly with these sentiments and would have been prepared to give him another chance - the only thing that niggles my gut feeling is that when I asked if the child had "borrowed" any games - the mother mouthed "I'm sorry" behind his back.  She looked distraught.  That told me, rightly or wrongly, that it wasn't a first. 

I've just rung her and spoken to her in a very sympathetic, friendly way but suggested that the boys just have a period of "calming down".  My child is very upset and hurt about it so I think a bit of breathing space might be best.  They've another week for half-term after this week, so probably by the time they go back to school it will have all blown over.  I've told mine not to tell anyone at school because that sort of thing gets round a playground like wildfire and I don't want the child labelled if it really is a one-off.  My gut feeling though is that it isn't.  I think he's got problems.  I'm just popping round now to collect the games.

I feel really sorry for the mum's embarrassment.  I wish it hadn't happened. 
 
 
 

I've just got back.  It was interesting on a few counts.

Firstly, the child greeted me at the door as if nothing had happened.  His mother came behind him and said "What do you say?"  The child smiled sweetly at me and said "Hello". She said  "No what do you say?"  He said "Thank you".  She then raised her voice and said "NO WHAT DO YOU SAY?" He then said "I'm sorry."  I said that it was alright this time but hoped it wouldn't happen again.  I told him that if he wanted to borrow anything anytime, he only had to ask us and that would be fine at which he said "I just found them in my pocket."  This is a 10-year old child, who supposedly has a very high IQ.  It is a single-parent family and he doesn't remember his father, who walked out on them when he was 18 months old.  The mum has another relationship but not living in.  I'm a single-parent family as well, so the situation doesn't necessarily mean there have to be problems.  I just don't know really.  The mum gave me a small gift for my child to be given with apologies and she has suggested that the weekend before they go back to school, maybe they could have a get-together at her house to make the peace.  I've agreed to that in principle, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but we'll have to see how mine feels at the time.